You said, “Maybe once you’re back, we can try again”. Try what again, exactly? You crushed everything we ever had down into nothing. I had to pick myself up off the ground and rebuild myself while you go off with your ex. And you must be more of a idiot then I ever thought that you would think a.) I would EVER come back for you or b.) that if I did, we could try our relationship again. WHAT. Who thinks like that? NO ONE. I was always around, waiting in the wings for you and I was always there to catch you when you fell apart. Well guess what, I won’t be there this time and I will never be there again. You said that you wanted to be friends, what do you think the chances are of that HONESTLY happening? You must seriously be delusional. I know for a fact that your relationship with her isn’t going to last, and the second it falls apart, you will come crawling back to me. But I will be long gone by then.
You were weighting me down. And you had absolutely no right to make any sort of choice for me. Fine, go around and tell people that you did this because you “couldn’t stand the thought of me quitting school to come back for you.” OF COURSE. Because if I did, then I would have found out about her. You think you’re so high and mighty. Saving me from making a mistake. But it was you, pal, who made the mistake here.
One of the biggest mistakes you have just made is that, I not only “talk the talk” but I “walk the walk” so you better watch out. You will be so far in my past that I won’t even remember your name.
So, the point is, I hope you are happy. Happy with your loser friends, your life that is going no where, and the fact that you still live with your mother. You are too comfortable. And life shouldn’t be lived that way. You are back with her because it’s easy. Its simple. I wasn’t. I was long distance, 3,000 miles away. I gave you that taste of freedom, that chance to seriously be an adult. But when I offered it to you, gave you a key to my place and my heart, you ran for the hills. You were the one who set our wedding date, and the name of our first child. But once I mentioned something that would happen in a few weeks and would only last a summer, you were gone.
You are not a man. You are a child. And I will continue on being the bigger person. I am rediscovering myself (which has been awesome) and realizing how fantastic I really am. Yes, it is nice to have someone cheering you on other then your mother (which I would not trade for anything in the world) but the fact that she truly loves me and knows that life isn’t easy, is a gratifying thing.
I know that you don’t read this because I never told you about it. But honestly, if you did, I hope you would see that I can live without you. I have done it before, and I will not return to you. Ever.
Ugh. I just want to GET OVER YOU. You are controlling my life and you aren’t even a part of it anymore. I can’t sleep anymore, I hardly eat, and I’m pretty sure I have dropped an entire dress size. I’m not complaining about that, I just need to get over you. Move on with my life. I need someone who is dying to be with me. Who will drop everything every time I call. Will love me even though my career might come first sometimes. He should be just as mature as me, and I am not going to settle this time. You controlled my thoughts and actions for way to long. All I want is to just get over you. And fast. I don’t think my heart and body can take it anymore.
I had 3 dreams about him last night. He broke my heart. Shattered it into a million pieces. And all I can think about is that I would take him back in a second. Even though he is moving on with his life, because I don’t know why our relationship failed, I am still in the relationship. It’s like he has gone on a long vacation and I just can’t talk to him. My heart aches to talk to him. All I want to do is call him and tell him about this mean boy who is hurting me.
He said that we would try again if I ever came home, but I know thats not true. I am too mature for him. I am growing up because I had to but he didn’t have to. He still lives with his parents and is comfortable. I didn’t have that option. That is one of the reasons why we are different. But if he really did love me, he would have done everything in his power to be with me. It’s not that I wasn’t good enough, it was just that I wasn’t around to hang on his arm and show off to his friends.
At this moment in time, I just want him back. I want him to hold me. I want my heart back.
Don't do it. I'm telling you this right now, because you know as well as I do that if you text him, those feelings WILL come back and you'll never get over him. You will thank me later, if you take the advice now.